Inspiration....

I often speak of the inspiration that my grandfather was to me, but there is someone else who deserves equal admiration. That is his wife and my grandmother, Beryl Clarence. Not only do I admire her for her artistic ability, but her remarkable character.

My gran is a very talented artist. It's no wonder I have such a love for artistic expression. She is still painting to this day, at 92, with her hand as steady as ever. She paints with such ease and familiarity, as if the brush was a part of her. Each stroke is so effortlessly beautiful. Her paintings are a comfort to me. There are many of them in my parents house so she is never far from my mind. Looking at them makes me feel as if she were right here with me. Unfortunately, we have been separated by a great distance my whole life as she lives in South Africa. I have been so blessed to visit there and have her visit here. My fondest memories of travel and family have been with her. From beach side visits, to painting afternoons in the Drakensberg, to endless laughter and fun playing cards. She is such a blessing to my family and to everyone she knows.

She is such a beautiful and compassionate woman. I have never once felt like I needed to measure up or that I wasn't good enough. There is only ever love and acceptance. I don't know if she knows this, but she has been a huge role model for me. I have so admired her growing up, especially her strength. She is one of the strongest people I know. I can't actually recall one moment where she has complained or become angry. She blows me away, and I pray that I am half the woman that she is one day. I miss her so much! I miss her smile and her laugh. I miss the way she winks at me and her cute way of holding playing cards. Most of all, I miss being able to be near her and tell her how much I love her.

Gran, you are a light and inspiration in my life. I admire you, your strength and your character. It breaks my heart that we are so far away, but you are always close in my heart. Thank you for loving me so effortlessly my whole life. For making me feel accepted and beautiful. Thank you for encouraging me and supporting me in everything I do. Thank you for giving me the mother I have, who loves me without fail. Thank you most of all for being who you are, because who you are is truly beautiful. I love you more than you could ever know and will continue to be inspired by you, for the rest of my life.......

A Passion Awakened.....

Photography is so much more to me than an expression and creative outlet. It is for me a lasting connection to my late grandfather, David William Lister Clarence. Taken suddenly by cancer when I was 2 years old, I never had the opportunity to know the man that inspires me and my love of photography.

My memory of him is built from beautifully told stories by my family. Of a man who never went anywhere without his camera. A man who saw beauty and art in capturing a photograph. I had the chance to look at some of his photos a few years ago now, some of which brought tears to my eyes. I felt close to him and truly inspired. It was an easy decision for me to get his initials tattooed on my wrist, so every time I take a photograph, he's there with me.

My true passion for photography was awakened upon a trip to Europe when I was 17 years old. Surrounded by history embedded in beautiful architecture, it's no wonder that I fell in love.....

One day, I hope to travel back to these places and recapture the essence of Europe with a more mature eye and steady hand. Taking in the cities and the sites in an entirely different way.

In the same way an artist paints with a paintbrush, a photographer paints with a camera. Each photo creative, original and lovingly composed. Capturing and editing a photo is like a piece of art to me. Art that is interpretative to each individual who sees it, evoking emotion and wonder. In the words of Carl W. Buechner, "They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel." That is what I want people to feel when they see my photos.

There is so much more on this spectacular earth to see. The world is my canvas full of untouched beauty yet to be discovered. I look forward to learning and discovering more about photography and myself in the years to come.

"The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." - Mitch Albom

NEVER alone.....

Lately, I've been thinking about the moments that shape our lives. More importantly, the moments that shape who we are.

When I look back on the last 5 years I am in awe of what I have experienced and been through. For instance, my amazing 6 months living in Australia at Capernwray Bible College. Which ironically was also the hardest 6 months I have ever had to face. I was attacked spiritually, physically and emotionally. It makes sense that this would all take place during a time where each day my relationship with Jesus was growing stronger and stronger. I was hit with an undiagnosable illness, even after 5 visits to the doctor. To this day I still don't know what it was. I also know that my body never quite recovered from this either. Emotionally, this was such an isolating time for me, even though I was surrounded by 55 other people day in and day out. The moments of silent tears and prayers for it all to end, were far too may to count. I was so close to giving up, the weight of everything too much for me to bear. But I am grateful to say, I pulled through. Even though I still carry that with me, I know that by going through it I am a stronger person. I realized that I am a fighter!

It was easy to forget this when I went through the most heart breaking moment of my life in 2008, but seeing where I am now, today, I am so glad I kept fighting! It was and is a constant battle everyday for me, to stay positive and truly believe that my life is headed for greatness. I don't mean worldly greatness, but a greatness that is only fulfilled through my relationship with Christ. Whenever I fall into the "trap of depression" I have to remind myself that I am not living on this earth for my own glory or reward, but for the glory and reward that is coming beyond this earthly life.

The most comforting thought of all, is that there is not one single, solitary moment of this life where I will ever be alone in this fight. In quiet moments, all I can do is thank my heavenly Father for giving me the strength and the patience to wait out these storms. So as wonderful as good and happy moments are, it is these unbearable times that have made me a fighter! I have been this way since I was a little girl, but I had never recognized it as a strength of mine.

I can honestly say that in this moment, even in this time of my life, I am happy! Everything that seemed so impossible or unreachable feels attainable now. When the clock struck 12:00 on New Years Eve I felt a quiet whisper, "This is going to be an amazing year for you!" What a promise for me after such a hard and emotionally draining year. I don't know what this year is going to bring or where it will take me, but one thing I do know is that I won't run and hide from any of it.

"In the day that I called, you answered me. You encouraged me with strength in my soul." Psalm 138:3

If you are reading this and you are in a season of pain or hardship, I hope my story will encourage you. Even in our darkest times, we are NEVER alone! All you have to do is cry out to our Saviour, and He will answer. It may not always be the answer we want, or as soon as we would like, but there is a purpose to all of it. I know that it can be aggravating and frustrating to wait, but, God will never abandon His children when they need Him most! All things are worked out in His timing in accordance with His will for our lives. So be encouraged, and keep praying. God is always listening. He is not a cruel God that enjoys our pain and suffering. I truly believe His heart aches when we are hurting, but it is all part of His greater purpose for us. Remember that He is a God of love. He loves us unconditionally!! I can't even being to grasp the immensity of His love for me. HE LOVES YOU! Wherever you are, whatever you are feeling or going through, you are NEVER alone.