NEVER alone.....

Lately, I've been thinking about the moments that shape our lives. More importantly, the moments that shape who we are.

When I look back on the last 5 years I am in awe of what I have experienced and been through. For instance, my amazing 6 months living in Australia at Capernwray Bible College. Which ironically was also the hardest 6 months I have ever had to face. I was attacked spiritually, physically and emotionally. It makes sense that this would all take place during a time where each day my relationship with Jesus was growing stronger and stronger. I was hit with an undiagnosable illness, even after 5 visits to the doctor. To this day I still don't know what it was. I also know that my body never quite recovered from this either. Emotionally, this was such an isolating time for me, even though I was surrounded by 55 other people day in and day out. The moments of silent tears and prayers for it all to end, were far too may to count. I was so close to giving up, the weight of everything too much for me to bear. But I am grateful to say, I pulled through. Even though I still carry that with me, I know that by going through it I am a stronger person. I realized that I am a fighter!

It was easy to forget this when I went through the most heart breaking moment of my life in 2008, but seeing where I am now, today, I am so glad I kept fighting! It was and is a constant battle everyday for me, to stay positive and truly believe that my life is headed for greatness. I don't mean worldly greatness, but a greatness that is only fulfilled through my relationship with Christ. Whenever I fall into the "trap of depression" I have to remind myself that I am not living on this earth for my own glory or reward, but for the glory and reward that is coming beyond this earthly life.

The most comforting thought of all, is that there is not one single, solitary moment of this life where I will ever be alone in this fight. In quiet moments, all I can do is thank my heavenly Father for giving me the strength and the patience to wait out these storms. So as wonderful as good and happy moments are, it is these unbearable times that have made me a fighter! I have been this way since I was a little girl, but I had never recognized it as a strength of mine.

I can honestly say that in this moment, even in this time of my life, I am happy! Everything that seemed so impossible or unreachable feels attainable now. When the clock struck 12:00 on New Years Eve I felt a quiet whisper, "This is going to be an amazing year for you!" What a promise for me after such a hard and emotionally draining year. I don't know what this year is going to bring or where it will take me, but one thing I do know is that I won't run and hide from any of it.

"In the day that I called, you answered me. You encouraged me with strength in my soul." Psalm 138:3

If you are reading this and you are in a season of pain or hardship, I hope my story will encourage you. Even in our darkest times, we are NEVER alone! All you have to do is cry out to our Saviour, and He will answer. It may not always be the answer we want, or as soon as we would like, but there is a purpose to all of it. I know that it can be aggravating and frustrating to wait, but, God will never abandon His children when they need Him most! All things are worked out in His timing in accordance with His will for our lives. So be encouraged, and keep praying. God is always listening. He is not a cruel God that enjoys our pain and suffering. I truly believe His heart aches when we are hurting, but it is all part of His greater purpose for us. Remember that He is a God of love. He loves us unconditionally!! I can't even being to grasp the immensity of His love for me. HE LOVES YOU! Wherever you are, whatever you are feeling or going through, you are NEVER alone.